Thursday, April 29, 2010

"I'm peeing out of the wrong hole."

I was the triage nurse last night and a 30-something woman came in with her friend. This is how it went...

I open with my old standard, "So, what brings you here today?"

She states, "I'm peeing out the wrong hole."

"Um, how did you come to notice this? Were you having pain with urination or something?" I'm sure the look on my face was like I had just taken a big bite out of an onion.

"You know that bump down there? Well, I was shaving down there and I noticed that I peed a little and it came out of a hole below that bump. I have two holes down there! There's the vagina and then there's a hole above that but below the bump. I'm peeing out a different hole!" 

It was all I could do NOT to laugh. "Well, all women have two holes down there. One is the vagina and one is the urethra. The urethra is where urine comes out." 

I took her to the bathroom to collect a urine sample and she said, "Shouldn't we wait so that the doctor can watch me pee to see that it's coming out the wrong hole?"

"It could be a while before you see a doctor. I think we should collect a urine now and by the time the doctor gets to you, the urine test will be back."

I walked back to the nurses' station and said, "You are NOT going to believe this!" I proceeded to tell the doctor what the deal was and he said that she could have some sort of actual problem. I said, "Dude, she doesn't realize that there are two holes down there. She's peeing out the right hole, but she needs an anatomy lesson or something!" 

I went to the room with the doctor and the patient again relayed her reason for being here. She said she called the nurse advisor and was told to come right in. I brought a mirror to the room and the pt whipped her legs open and pointed out the "landmarks" she was referring to. The bump was her clitoris. Then she pointed out the "extra hole" that the pee came out of -- which was her urethra. We told her that was normal, but she continued to insist that urine came out of the clitoris! I kid you not. The doctor repeated all the basic anatomy and physiology of the female genitalia to the patient and she was discharged home. Her friend said, "I TOLD HER that pee didn't come out of her clitoris!"

This chick came to the ER to be told that she has a pee hole and a sex hole. Oh my God. And she is a MOTHER!


A Date In History said...

This is unreal! I'm hysterical and extremely frightened at the same time! It's just beyond my comprehension that a "mother" (and I use the term loosely) would not understand the anatomy of her body. I love this J - keep it up, it's way cool!

Jayne M. Johnson said...

It is amazing, isn't it? Sadly, I see this sort of thing routinely. Working in an ER is a real eye-opener!

latrel copeland said...

Lamp, I am a 28yr old mother that very much so no MY anatomy and I have the exact same problem when I urinate it come out of both holes which I proved when I TO was laughed at until the nurse inserted the Catheter my iron e just s hot all over her from the other hole.

Physically Gender Confused said...

Hi. I looked at your diagram and while I do find the story interesting, I believe I have the same problem except it's legit and I think that no matter what someone says, evolution is so weird, you don't know if someone could actually have a condition and your name could end up on it. I have a vagina, but urine comes out from within the vagina. I've put my finger on the hole before. It's at least a cm in and I can fit my pinky in it. Then I have another hole that urine comes out of, (I noticed this because I have urinary incontinence and I saw the urine stains on my pad. the usual spot right in the center of the center and then another far up near the top of the pad about the size of a gel pen mark.) It is, if you were to compare my set up with that of the picture you have I'll tell you what's different.
You have the first downward v and then the second downward v. I only have one downward v. Secondly I have a tube that comes out at the point of the downward v and that's where I pee at. When I pee it just sounds like water being poured into the toilet. It isn't a straight stream. I used to pee only from the top one but a few years ago the sound changed and then it only worked in the one inside my vagina and now both of them work. I would like you, if you could, to ask around about this because I'm having trouble finding info. I did find some similarities in something called 5-Alpha-Reductase Deficiency but the coloring of my vaginal folds are a lot darker than described in the study. I've also seen a white mucus in my urine when I pee aroused.
Please. Just a thought.

ceri marie said...

uh ok so explain why i don't have a uthereal hole and i do in fact pee from the hole in my clitoris i just checked in the loo and googled it hence finding this site .. i'm 38 also a mother of two .... frankly i never spent time trying to figure out where my frikkin wee comes from ...nobody actually mentions it ,at all ever so stop with you're overbearing judgements because the only reason you actually know about the uthera is because you are trained or "educated" i know that because no mother has ever used that word at home nor has any pre teen ever used scientific terminology to describe their tuppence or flowers ... also what world did you grow up in because in mine it's apparently unladylike to sit there legs akimbo thoroughly inspecting our fannies ... so come on guys why the need for the utter humiliation of the poor girl who came to you with something so very private and expecting you too help her not take the piss out of her ... we're not stupid we know a guy pees and ejaculates from the same hole in the penis ... and assume me stupid but i know for a god damn fact that when we sit down to pee it does NOT come out of our asses .... so come on smart ass explain how i only have a vaginal hole and a clitoral hole yet can still urinate ...